Reagan Everly Taylor. Born July 16, 2018 at 5:25 am. Sweet baby girl, you sure did test mommy's faith in your delayed arrival. You were due July 14th but since your brother was a week early I had in my mind that you would be at least a week early. I figured you'd be 2 weeks early! ha! Boy was I wrong.
Leading up to your arrival I was pretty at peace waiting on you until about week 38 - the week I thought you should be arriving :) I was soaking up time with your older brother and knew a newborn would be harder to take care of than just a big pregnant belly. But as week 38 came and went I started getting anxious and stressed. Your father and I were supposed to attend or shoot video for 3 weddings in July (July 21, 22, and 28). In my poor planning I didn't cancel any of these but assumed we'd have plenty of time because OF COURSE you'd be early. Oops haha.
I had no signs of labor up until the day before you were born except for menstrual-type cramping. When your due date came and went, I started really panicking. I don't know why, because I knew you'd come eventually, but it just killed me that things weren't going according to my plan. That's how God works though doesn't He? In the midst of waiting and failed hopes and expectations, I clung to God and prayed to Him like never before. I was begging for you to come so that I wouldn't be induced, so I could have you naturally, so we could attend these weddings we had committed to. It was a real test of faith on my part. Trusting that God was preparing your arrival even though I saw no signs of labor.
On July 15th in the late morning I believe I lost my mucus plug. I didn't want to get too excited because I knew it could mean nothing or it could mean labor could start soon. I didn't feel any contractions the rest of the day and just prayed and pled with God that you'd come. That night as I lay my head on my pillow I felt my first contraction. It was obvious it was a contraction. I got a little excited and started praying. "Lord, please let me progress. Please let this be labor. Please let her come tonight." Twenty minutes later I felt another contraction. "Okay, that's good. Thank you Lord, please keep them coming." For the next hour I felt contractions 15-20 minutes apart lasting 30-60 seconds long. I decided to get out of bed and take my mind off things since I couldn't sleep anyway. It also hurt way worse to take the contractions lying down.
I went downstairs and watched Friends while folding some of our laundry. I texted my mom and mother-in-law at 12:30am and asked them to pray that labor would progress and you would come quickly. I went back upstairs at 1am to try and rest because I figured if the contractions were still about 12-15 minutes apart, it was probably labor. By 1:30am the contractions were 10-12 minutes apart. At 2 am when contractions were 7 minutes apart and I woke up Matt to tell him I thought this was the real deal. I didn't want to mess around since I've heard second babies come quickly. I kept timing for the next half hour and once I got 3 contractions in a row that were 5 minutes apart I called my doctor. They agreed I should come in and didn't want to take chances with baby number 2. So we called our neighbor Hillary to come over while Caden slept and we got ready to get in the car. I also called your grandmother, Mimi, to come up and watch Caden the next day. She started driving from Columbia, SC at 3:00am.
I remember the car ride to the hospital was brutal. I tried to play worship music and focus on the contractions but it was so difficult with a bumpy car ride. Not to mention, the pain was intensifying. By 3:00am we were at the hospital and getting checked out in the triage room. The contractions were coming 4-5 minutes apart and were getting stronger. I was still in good spirits and able to talk and laugh between contractions. They checked me and I was 6.5 cm dilated already! Praise God I was being admitted!
We got in the delivery room and put on my worship music playlist and dimmed the lights. My IV was bothering my wrist so I asked the nurse to move it, but she couldn't find a better vein. After trying to fix that for 30 minutes or so, she gave up and I decided to deal with the IV as is. I undressed to labor in the tub for a bit. The warm water felt good but the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. I handled about 30 minutes of contractions before I started panicking from the pain. "I can't do this," I said to Matt. "It hurts too bad, I'm scared to keep going. I don't want to push again." I remembered the pain of Caden's birth and was scared to face it again. I started to feel like I needed to poop and I knew that meant pushing was coming. I didn't want to do it again!! The nurse suggested I have my water broken so things would speed up but I was too scared to do that because I knew labor would only intensify and I'd have to push soon. They finally convinced me to break my water so I got onto the delivery bed to have that done.
I have to say, through all this pain, your father was amazing! He let me lean into him to bear through the contractions and supported me physically, emotionally, and mentally. He calmed my fears and encouraged me. I love him so much!
When Dr. Kalinowski went to break my water she told me I was already fully dilated - 10cm!! I was SO happy I reached 10 cm because that meant labor was basically over, but I was also SO scared to start pushing. But once she broke my water it was like something animalistic came over me. My body took control and with a loud scream I started pushing. I pushed through one contraction and your head was crowning. I screamed and pushed again and felt the most intense pain of my life. My body just kept pushing though and all of a sudden, you were OUT! The nurse said I started pushing at 5:23 and you were out by 5:25. Amazing! And such an answered prayer after pushing 2 hours during Caden's birth.
So much joy, relief, and exhaustion set in. You were here! You had the most beautiful head of hair. Your daddy cut the cord and was so proud. He even teared up and got emotional! You were crying as you came out but we got you snuggled in with mommy and you settled down fast. You had "stork bites" on your face and lower left back. You also had a red birth mark on your right chest. You weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and were 20" long. You were such a perfect newborn with great Apgar scores and practically zero jaundice!
All the glory to God. He knew exactly when you should come and He brought you to us fast. I'm so thankful for a quick and healthy delivery. And I'm SO thankful for you. We can't imagine life without you now!
Six weeks later and you've been the sweetest newborn, sleeping so well and eating so well. You hardly ever fuss and are already smiling at us! You weighed 10 lbs 5 oz at one month old. We're so thankful you're healthy and doing well! We love you so much Reagan Everly Taylor.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Monday, January 9, 2017
12 weeks
Caden,
You're 12 weeks old. 12 weeks of life. 12 weeks of being your mom. Wow. I've learned so much over the past almost 3 months. More than I ever thought I'd learn in so little time. You have been and will always be one of God's greatest gifts to me {you and your father of course}. And you're a constant reminder of His grace and His sovereignty in my life. I will always be grateful for that.
When you first entered this world it felt like I was living in a dream. Everything was new and exciting and I didn't care about a total of 4 hours of sleep at night because I was just so excited to be your mom. After the first few days, baby blues hit and I was becoming very emotional. Every day when the sun set I would get anxious and lonely and sad. Your dad was my rock and took care of me really well. But it was so strange to go from the highest of emotions to the lowest of emotions all in one week.
After the first 2 weeks, the baby blues started to fade away and the sleep deprivation kicked in. I never really understood sleep deprivation until I became a mom :) I thought 6 hours of sleep wasn't enough pre-motherhood, but I quickly realized 6 hours was HEAVEN post-motherhood. During weeks 2-4 you were going through a big growth spurt so you were really fussy all day. I remember crying out to the Lord for you. Wanting him to comfort and calm you and wanting him to give us both rest. It was such a challenging first month. But every time I held you or laid eyes on you I knew it was all worth it.
Then you turned 1 month and we got to see more and more of your personality with each passing day. You smiled for the first time at 6 weeks and you started to make eye contact with us. You weren't as fussy and you were more awake and alert. The Lord began to show me what a mother's and a father's love really looked like. When I looked at you I had joy like none other. I felt proud that Matt and I made you. I felt excited to see you reach your potential. I wanted to know you deeper and deeper. I didn't want to miss a second of time with you. I've never experienced anything like motherhood!
Then you turned 2 months and we started sleep training. This is where I learned the Father's diligence with His children. It's so amazing to me that He knows every detail of our lives. He knows every hair on our heads. He is patient with us and knows our every need. Caden, you didn't like being put down for naps, but we knew you needed to sleep. And so also the Father deals with us in this way - giving us what we need even when we don't understand or like it. I also understand better how patient God is with us. We cry and scream at things life throws at us, but He lovingly and gently walks us through every one of life's moments. You cry and scream, and your dad and I have to be patient and loving so you can learn to soothe yourself and learn to sleep.
I've learned so much from you, and I know there's so much more to learn. As much as I thought marriage was sanctifying, parenthood is 10x sanctifying. But it's in life's hardest challenges that we grow the most in our walks with the Lord. And as challenging and self-sacrificing it is to be your mom, I do it with great joy because I love you so so much. I can't imagine how much God loves you when I love you this much.
So "happy 12 weeks" sweet boy :) Love you to the moon and back. I pray for you every day and I can't wait to see the man you become.
Love,
Mom <3
You're 12 weeks old. 12 weeks of life. 12 weeks of being your mom. Wow. I've learned so much over the past almost 3 months. More than I ever thought I'd learn in so little time. You have been and will always be one of God's greatest gifts to me {you and your father of course}. And you're a constant reminder of His grace and His sovereignty in my life. I will always be grateful for that.
When you first entered this world it felt like I was living in a dream. Everything was new and exciting and I didn't care about a total of 4 hours of sleep at night because I was just so excited to be your mom. After the first few days, baby blues hit and I was becoming very emotional. Every day when the sun set I would get anxious and lonely and sad. Your dad was my rock and took care of me really well. But it was so strange to go from the highest of emotions to the lowest of emotions all in one week.
After the first 2 weeks, the baby blues started to fade away and the sleep deprivation kicked in. I never really understood sleep deprivation until I became a mom :) I thought 6 hours of sleep wasn't enough pre-motherhood, but I quickly realized 6 hours was HEAVEN post-motherhood. During weeks 2-4 you were going through a big growth spurt so you were really fussy all day. I remember crying out to the Lord for you. Wanting him to comfort and calm you and wanting him to give us both rest. It was such a challenging first month. But every time I held you or laid eyes on you I knew it was all worth it.
Then you turned 1 month and we got to see more and more of your personality with each passing day. You smiled for the first time at 6 weeks and you started to make eye contact with us. You weren't as fussy and you were more awake and alert. The Lord began to show me what a mother's and a father's love really looked like. When I looked at you I had joy like none other. I felt proud that Matt and I made you. I felt excited to see you reach your potential. I wanted to know you deeper and deeper. I didn't want to miss a second of time with you. I've never experienced anything like motherhood!
Then you turned 2 months and we started sleep training. This is where I learned the Father's diligence with His children. It's so amazing to me that He knows every detail of our lives. He knows every hair on our heads. He is patient with us and knows our every need. Caden, you didn't like being put down for naps, but we knew you needed to sleep. And so also the Father deals with us in this way - giving us what we need even when we don't understand or like it. I also understand better how patient God is with us. We cry and scream at things life throws at us, but He lovingly and gently walks us through every one of life's moments. You cry and scream, and your dad and I have to be patient and loving so you can learn to soothe yourself and learn to sleep.
I've learned so much from you, and I know there's so much more to learn. As much as I thought marriage was sanctifying, parenthood is 10x sanctifying. But it's in life's hardest challenges that we grow the most in our walks with the Lord. And as challenging and self-sacrificing it is to be your mom, I do it with great joy because I love you so so much. I can't imagine how much God loves you when I love you this much.
So "happy 12 weeks" sweet boy :) Love you to the moon and back. I pray for you every day and I can't wait to see the man you become.
Love,
Mom <3
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
the birth of Caden.
i wanted to revive the blog now that we've added the taylor tot to our family :) after almost a month with our little nugget, i finally have some time to sit and reflect on Caden's birth. i wanted to share our story for the friends and family that haven't heard it yet and also just use this blog to process the whole experience.
the last few weeks before Caden was born were filled with anticipation, anxiety, and excitement. it was crazy to me that after 9 months, we were about to hold our baby boy in our arms. throughout my pregnancy, i was very anti-research. i didn't want to know what the labor and delivery was gonna be like. i didn't want to read about different birthing techniques. i did, however, want to try to do a natural labor. which seems a little strange since i didn't want to prepare at all for the labor. i just knew that it would be an incredible spiritual experience; to completely draw all my strength from the Lord.
so with little to no expectations, i spent the last few weeks anticipating the unknown. i was really crampy every day and at each doctor's appointment i was told i was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. so at the end of each night {from 36 weeks until Caden was born} i would say to matt, "what if tonight's the night i go into labor?" i asked that with a lot of excitement and fear. i so badly wanted to meet Caden but i also feared going through labor and becoming a mom. what were contractions going to feel like? could i really do it naturally in this day and age? will i be a good mom? how do you take care of a newborn? and on and on. but, there's a reason God gives us 9 months of waiting, because it's in the waiting that He readied me enough to want to face all my fears just to meet our sweet boy.
On October 17, 2016 at 1 am my water broke. I was praising God for this because i knew we'd have to be admitted to the hospital instead of playing a guessing game with my contractions. we took our time getting our bags in the car and calling loved ones since we knew it'd be a long road ahead before our baby would come. little did we know he'd make an appearance just 9 hours later.
we arrived at the hospital at 2:30 am and at that point i wasn't really feeling contractions. i was 5 cm dilated and fully effaced when they checked me in. i was in a happy and excited mood, ready to conquer labor and meet our boy.
we were moved to the labor and delivery room at 3:30 am and we started walking the halls to speed up labor. i started to feel contractions but they were just strong cramps. at 4 am we returned to our room and i decided to labor in the bathtub a little bit to see if that would help as contractions were progressing. during this phase of labor matt and i listened to worship songs and he held my hand through each contraction. at 5 am i asked matt to call our dear friend Lauren Anderson to help me through the transition phase of labor. Lauren is a midwife and was a Godsend to me during the final hours of labor!
Lauren arrived at 6 am (if i remember correctly) and at that point i asked to be checked again. i was 7 cm dilated. i never even thought about getting the epidural. i felt like the Lord gave me confidence to face the harder phase of labor that lay ahead. Lauren helped me with different positions to bear through the contractions as they were coming a lot stronger and faster. she was so encouraging, and her and matt made a great team as my support system. i'm sure their hands were aching the next day since i was squeezing them so hard at each contraction.
when the contractions were too strong to bear i asked to be checked again around 7:30 am or 8 am. I was 9 1/2 cm dilated at that point. they told me to go ahead and start pushing if i felt like it. and at 8:30 am i was 10 cm dilated and officially ready to push. i was SO relieved and knew we'd be meeting Caden very soon.
i ended up pushing for TWO hours. it was the worst pain of my life. it took literally ALL of me to push through the contractions, to no avail. Caden was crowning the whole time but would not come out. i felt hopeless and in despair. i was exhausted and weary and SO thirsty. i kept looking to matt for help and all he could say was, "he's coming soon." i cried out to the Lord after every push begging him to bring our baby out. i knew i had to rely on His strength and not my own because i had none left.
at the end of the two hours at 10:39 am on October 17, 2016 Caden Lee Taylor was born. he weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 21.5 inches long. he was so beautiful. and i was so overjoyed to meet him.
looking back, it was such a spiritual experience. i felt like the Spirit was completely covering me and getting me through each contraction. and at my weakest point, His strength kept me going. i felt His presence the entire time. i am forever grateful for Matt, Lauren, Dr. Rush, and nurse Kelly for getting me through the labor and delivery. it was the hardest thing i've ever done, but it was so so worth it. i'm so grateful the Lord gave us a healthy baby boy, Caden Lee.
the last few weeks before Caden was born were filled with anticipation, anxiety, and excitement. it was crazy to me that after 9 months, we were about to hold our baby boy in our arms. throughout my pregnancy, i was very anti-research. i didn't want to know what the labor and delivery was gonna be like. i didn't want to read about different birthing techniques. i did, however, want to try to do a natural labor. which seems a little strange since i didn't want to prepare at all for the labor. i just knew that it would be an incredible spiritual experience; to completely draw all my strength from the Lord.
so with little to no expectations, i spent the last few weeks anticipating the unknown. i was really crampy every day and at each doctor's appointment i was told i was 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. so at the end of each night {from 36 weeks until Caden was born} i would say to matt, "what if tonight's the night i go into labor?" i asked that with a lot of excitement and fear. i so badly wanted to meet Caden but i also feared going through labor and becoming a mom. what were contractions going to feel like? could i really do it naturally in this day and age? will i be a good mom? how do you take care of a newborn? and on and on. but, there's a reason God gives us 9 months of waiting, because it's in the waiting that He readied me enough to want to face all my fears just to meet our sweet boy.
On October 17, 2016 at 1 am my water broke. I was praising God for this because i knew we'd have to be admitted to the hospital instead of playing a guessing game with my contractions. we took our time getting our bags in the car and calling loved ones since we knew it'd be a long road ahead before our baby would come. little did we know he'd make an appearance just 9 hours later.
we arrived at the hospital at 2:30 am and at that point i wasn't really feeling contractions. i was 5 cm dilated and fully effaced when they checked me in. i was in a happy and excited mood, ready to conquer labor and meet our boy.
we were moved to the labor and delivery room at 3:30 am and we started walking the halls to speed up labor. i started to feel contractions but they were just strong cramps. at 4 am we returned to our room and i decided to labor in the bathtub a little bit to see if that would help as contractions were progressing. during this phase of labor matt and i listened to worship songs and he held my hand through each contraction. at 5 am i asked matt to call our dear friend Lauren Anderson to help me through the transition phase of labor. Lauren is a midwife and was a Godsend to me during the final hours of labor!
Lauren arrived at 6 am (if i remember correctly) and at that point i asked to be checked again. i was 7 cm dilated. i never even thought about getting the epidural. i felt like the Lord gave me confidence to face the harder phase of labor that lay ahead. Lauren helped me with different positions to bear through the contractions as they were coming a lot stronger and faster. she was so encouraging, and her and matt made a great team as my support system. i'm sure their hands were aching the next day since i was squeezing them so hard at each contraction.
when the contractions were too strong to bear i asked to be checked again around 7:30 am or 8 am. I was 9 1/2 cm dilated at that point. they told me to go ahead and start pushing if i felt like it. and at 8:30 am i was 10 cm dilated and officially ready to push. i was SO relieved and knew we'd be meeting Caden very soon.
i ended up pushing for TWO hours. it was the worst pain of my life. it took literally ALL of me to push through the contractions, to no avail. Caden was crowning the whole time but would not come out. i felt hopeless and in despair. i was exhausted and weary and SO thirsty. i kept looking to matt for help and all he could say was, "he's coming soon." i cried out to the Lord after every push begging him to bring our baby out. i knew i had to rely on His strength and not my own because i had none left.
at the end of the two hours at 10:39 am on October 17, 2016 Caden Lee Taylor was born. he weighed 6 lbs 14 oz and was 21.5 inches long. he was so beautiful. and i was so overjoyed to meet him.
looking back, it was such a spiritual experience. i felt like the Spirit was completely covering me and getting me through each contraction. and at my weakest point, His strength kept me going. i felt His presence the entire time. i am forever grateful for Matt, Lauren, Dr. Rush, and nurse Kelly for getting me through the labor and delivery. it was the hardest thing i've ever done, but it was so so worth it. i'm so grateful the Lord gave us a healthy baby boy, Caden Lee.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Multiply my faith.
Many of you have heard my story, but I felt it was important to tell it again to see God's hand in my life over the past 6 years.
When I started attending UNC Chapel Hill in the Fall of '09, I wanted to be an Actuary. That quickly came to an end after my first Stat class. So instead, I pursued accounting. Through what I thought was merely happenstance, I landed a tax internship at PwC the summer after my Sophomore year. It was that same summer that Matt and I got engaged, which meant I needed a full time job the following year to put Matt through his last year of school {I graduated 1 year early}. So I reached out to every public accounting firm in the area in hopes of obtaining a year-long internship.
BDO called me shortly after I started my search and offered me a year-long audit internship, exactly what I was praying for. I was able to support Matt and myself our first year of marriage and accepted an offer to come back to work for BDO after I finished my Master's program. But at the end of my internship with BDO, I felt a sense of restlessness. I felt a desire to leverage my skills in a ministry setting, whatever that may look like. It was then that I first reached out to Summit after seeing an accounting position open on their website. The position ended up already being filled and I moved on trusting God had me where He wanted me.
I finished my Master's program in May 2014, completed the CPA exam, and started back at BDO. I was so excited to see how God was going to use me for kingdom-impact and learned a ton about what that means. I think it's easy for believers to think "big" when they think "kingdom-impact." But sometimes God works in the quietest ways. And oftentimes God works in a way that doesn't make sense to us. His timing is typically far different than our timing. And His plans are often way different than ours.
I felt like I was working hard and working well at BDO. I was growing immensely, working to the best of my abilities, and pursuing a career at BDO. I loved my co-workers and desired for them to know the love of Jesus as I do. I felt purposeful at BDO and felt like the Lord had me in this firm for a reason, if only that reason was to work well and love others well. But the more and more I progressed, the harder it was to stay focused on the reason I was there.
In March 2015 my good friend and mentor reached out to me about a Summit accounting position. I immediately put it out of my mind as I was happy and excited about my future at BDO. Yet then again, a different friend in June mentioned the job to me...and kept mentioning the job to me until, in August, I finally reached out thinking, "this can't hurt anything." Little did I know, that God was using these friends of mine "for such a time as this." (Esther 4:14).
These next few months were filled with emotions and stress trying to "figure out God's will." I went back and forth, seeing God's fruit at BDO, yet seeing potential for fruit at Summit. I would get excited about the opportunity to leverage my skills more tangibly for the Kingdom. Then I would get scared about losing opportunity for career, for status, and for my future. I sought so much wise counsel, talked to co-workers, friends, and family. No matter what anyone said, I couldn't decide. I finally felt that God was leading me to accept the offer at Summit. Yet, even still, I wasn't sure. I was literally despairing over the idea of losing out on what my future would be like if I stayed at BDO. And it was then that God showed me how much I was idolizing career, status, money, and approval of man.
The minute I recognized that my career at BDO was me-focused was the minute God tore it away from me. You see, God isn't looking to make us comfortable, or even happy in life. He's looking to make us more like Him. And the moment we start to put our hope and our future in things of this world - things that will pass away - is the moment we lose sight of eternity. We get lost in the things of this world. We're far too easily satisfied with money, power, acceptance, etc. {the list goes on and on}, that we miss out on something greater, something lasting.
I didn't realize that I was placing my hope and future in BDO until that was threatened. I thought that I was willing to go wherever God was leading me, but when it came down to it, I wasn't. I wanted to stay at BDO, but it wasn't for God's glory, it was for my own.
Summit is going through a new series, "Multiply," where we're asking God to multiply our talents and our lives for Him. I had no idea that for me that would mean changing my career. God was asking {and is always asking} me to multiply my faith. "Trust me. Follow me. Have faith in me to do greater things in you." I didn't trust Him. I trusted me. I trusted my plan. I could have had a long and great career at BDO. But I would have had misguided efforts. I would have been building my own kingdom instead of His.
So, I surrendered this decision to God, and fully committed to working at The Summit Church. I started this past Monday and have felt so at peace about this decision. I will definitely miss BDO. It was the best job, with the best people, and the best boss. I'm so thankful for the experience I had there, and so thankful for the people who believed in me and saw my potential there. I will forever be grateful for the time, money, and teaching that was invested in me to grow at BDO.
Please pray with me that God would continue to multiply my faith and grow His Kingdom deep and wide. Please pray that God uses me well at Summit, not for my own gain, but to make His name great.
When I started attending UNC Chapel Hill in the Fall of '09, I wanted to be an Actuary. That quickly came to an end after my first Stat class. So instead, I pursued accounting. Through what I thought was merely happenstance, I landed a tax internship at PwC the summer after my Sophomore year. It was that same summer that Matt and I got engaged, which meant I needed a full time job the following year to put Matt through his last year of school {I graduated 1 year early}. So I reached out to every public accounting firm in the area in hopes of obtaining a year-long internship.
BDO called me shortly after I started my search and offered me a year-long audit internship, exactly what I was praying for. I was able to support Matt and myself our first year of marriage and accepted an offer to come back to work for BDO after I finished my Master's program. But at the end of my internship with BDO, I felt a sense of restlessness. I felt a desire to leverage my skills in a ministry setting, whatever that may look like. It was then that I first reached out to Summit after seeing an accounting position open on their website. The position ended up already being filled and I moved on trusting God had me where He wanted me.
I finished my Master's program in May 2014, completed the CPA exam, and started back at BDO. I was so excited to see how God was going to use me for kingdom-impact and learned a ton about what that means. I think it's easy for believers to think "big" when they think "kingdom-impact." But sometimes God works in the quietest ways. And oftentimes God works in a way that doesn't make sense to us. His timing is typically far different than our timing. And His plans are often way different than ours.
I felt like I was working hard and working well at BDO. I was growing immensely, working to the best of my abilities, and pursuing a career at BDO. I loved my co-workers and desired for them to know the love of Jesus as I do. I felt purposeful at BDO and felt like the Lord had me in this firm for a reason, if only that reason was to work well and love others well. But the more and more I progressed, the harder it was to stay focused on the reason I was there.
In March 2015 my good friend and mentor reached out to me about a Summit accounting position. I immediately put it out of my mind as I was happy and excited about my future at BDO. Yet then again, a different friend in June mentioned the job to me...and kept mentioning the job to me until, in August, I finally reached out thinking, "this can't hurt anything." Little did I know, that God was using these friends of mine "for such a time as this." (Esther 4:14).
These next few months were filled with emotions and stress trying to "figure out God's will." I went back and forth, seeing God's fruit at BDO, yet seeing potential for fruit at Summit. I would get excited about the opportunity to leverage my skills more tangibly for the Kingdom. Then I would get scared about losing opportunity for career, for status, and for my future. I sought so much wise counsel, talked to co-workers, friends, and family. No matter what anyone said, I couldn't decide. I finally felt that God was leading me to accept the offer at Summit. Yet, even still, I wasn't sure. I was literally despairing over the idea of losing out on what my future would be like if I stayed at BDO. And it was then that God showed me how much I was idolizing career, status, money, and approval of man.
The minute I recognized that my career at BDO was me-focused was the minute God tore it away from me. You see, God isn't looking to make us comfortable, or even happy in life. He's looking to make us more like Him. And the moment we start to put our hope and our future in things of this world - things that will pass away - is the moment we lose sight of eternity. We get lost in the things of this world. We're far too easily satisfied with money, power, acceptance, etc. {the list goes on and on}, that we miss out on something greater, something lasting.
I didn't realize that I was placing my hope and future in BDO until that was threatened. I thought that I was willing to go wherever God was leading me, but when it came down to it, I wasn't. I wanted to stay at BDO, but it wasn't for God's glory, it was for my own.
Summit is going through a new series, "Multiply," where we're asking God to multiply our talents and our lives for Him. I had no idea that for me that would mean changing my career. God was asking {and is always asking} me to multiply my faith. "Trust me. Follow me. Have faith in me to do greater things in you." I didn't trust Him. I trusted me. I trusted my plan. I could have had a long and great career at BDO. But I would have had misguided efforts. I would have been building my own kingdom instead of His.
So, I surrendered this decision to God, and fully committed to working at The Summit Church. I started this past Monday and have felt so at peace about this decision. I will definitely miss BDO. It was the best job, with the best people, and the best boss. I'm so thankful for the experience I had there, and so thankful for the people who believed in me and saw my potential there. I will forever be grateful for the time, money, and teaching that was invested in me to grow at BDO.
Please pray with me that God would continue to multiply my faith and grow His Kingdom deep and wide. Please pray that God uses me well at Summit, not for my own gain, but to make His name great.
Romans 12:1-2 "...present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
"Faith, you see, works like a muscle. You can only strengthen it by
straining it. When you work and strain a muscle, you produce
thousands of little tiny tears in it, and then it grows back
stronger." - JD Greear
"That’s what God does to your faith. He’ll push it to the
brink. Only then will it multiply in you." - JD Greear
Esther 4:14b "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Cease striving.
It has been forever since my last post. Over the past few months, Matt and I have been settling into the routine of both working full time. In September, God called Matt to lead our small group, which has been a huge blessing. Through it all, we've been trying to take each week, each day, at a time. But without fail, life gets overwhelming.
During these overwhelming times, I start to strive. I strive for time, for happiness, for fulfillment. I take it upon myself to fix my situations. I think that I can control the things around me and work hard enough to get through the stressful times. I prioritize my time - and God always falls at the end of my list. I think there are more pressing matters in life - God can wait.
But ultimately, this striving leads me into despair. It stresses me out more knowing that I am trying, and failing, to meet all my needs & desires, and all Matt's needs & desires.
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalm 46:10
God has simple, yet powerful advice for me. Cease striving. Know that I am God. My taking the world upon my shoulders doesn't exalt God - it disrespects God. It says that I can take on this world better than He can.
It's so comforting to know a God who loves me so deeply and cares about every detail of my life. Why strive for things when God has already perfectly ordained every situation I will face? So I'll look to these words.
Cease striving. Know that I am God.
During these overwhelming times, I start to strive. I strive for time, for happiness, for fulfillment. I take it upon myself to fix my situations. I think that I can control the things around me and work hard enough to get through the stressful times. I prioritize my time - and God always falls at the end of my list. I think there are more pressing matters in life - God can wait.
But ultimately, this striving leads me into despair. It stresses me out more knowing that I am trying, and failing, to meet all my needs & desires, and all Matt's needs & desires.
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalm 46:10
God has simple, yet powerful advice for me. Cease striving. Know that I am God. My taking the world upon my shoulders doesn't exalt God - it disrespects God. It says that I can take on this world better than He can.
It's so comforting to know a God who loves me so deeply and cares about every detail of my life. Why strive for things when God has already perfectly ordained every situation I will face? So I'll look to these words.
Cease striving. Know that I am God.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
to Jeremy and Morgan...
My older brother, Jeremy, got married exactly a week ago. WHAT. It still hasn't set in for me {and I'm sure not for the newlyweds either}.
It's been unique for me as sister of the groom in that I'm also best friends with the bride. So I had the honor {no pun intended} of being the Matron of Honor in last Sunday's ceremony. As a part of my duties, I was to give a toast at the wedding...and due to technical difficulties {and nerves} it kinda didn't go exactly according to plan.
So here's what I would have said:
Morgan, you just married one of the most amazing men in the world. He's been my best friend growing up. He's kind, caring, and loving. He'll always seek your happiness. He is very understanding and patient. Jeremy helped me through a lot of hard times. But he's also been there for so many of the good times. He's a shoulder to lean on and one of the funniest guys ever.
He'll make you mad. He'll probably fail you more than once. But he'll point you to Jesus and sharpen you more into His likeness. Jeremy loves the Lord. He is a man of God. And he'll lead you well.
Jeremy, you just married one of the most amazing women in the world. She's been my best friend through college. She's vibrant, full of life, and loving. She'll always seek your happiness. She has the biggest heart. She constantly seeks to know Jesus better. She's passionate about life. She's also passionate about sports, which is a plus ;).
She'll make you mad. She'll stumble and make mistakes. But she'll counsel you as you lead her. She'll follow you wherever you go. She's loyal and in love with the Lord. She'll be a wonderful Proverbs 31 woman.
Cheers to you two. Can't wait to see where God takes you.
I would have said all that if I had taken the time to write it down, but I was trying to be spontaneous and let the words flow from the heart. {bad idea}.
I love you Morgan & Jeremy. Marriage is tough but it's also the best method of sanctification. I've grown more in my walk with God in two short years than I have in the 20 years prior to marriage. I know you guys will love God, and others, better together.
Love,
Jac <3
photo cred: Katie Marentes takeheartphoto.com
So here's what I would have said:
Morgan, you just married one of the most amazing men in the world. He's been my best friend growing up. He's kind, caring, and loving. He'll always seek your happiness. He is very understanding and patient. Jeremy helped me through a lot of hard times. But he's also been there for so many of the good times. He's a shoulder to lean on and one of the funniest guys ever.
He'll make you mad. He'll probably fail you more than once. But he'll point you to Jesus and sharpen you more into His likeness. Jeremy loves the Lord. He is a man of God. And he'll lead you well.
Jeremy, you just married one of the most amazing women in the world. She's been my best friend through college. She's vibrant, full of life, and loving. She'll always seek your happiness. She has the biggest heart. She constantly seeks to know Jesus better. She's passionate about life. She's also passionate about sports, which is a plus ;).
She'll make you mad. She'll stumble and make mistakes. But she'll counsel you as you lead her. She'll follow you wherever you go. She's loyal and in love with the Lord. She'll be a wonderful Proverbs 31 woman.
Cheers to you two. Can't wait to see where God takes you.
I would have said all that if I had taken the time to write it down, but I was trying to be spontaneous and let the words flow from the heart. {bad idea}.
I love you Morgan & Jeremy. Marriage is tough but it's also the best method of sanctification. I've grown more in my walk with God in two short years than I have in the 20 years prior to marriage. I know you guys will love God, and others, better together.
Love,
Jac <3
Saturday, August 2, 2014
according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 - "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
When I told my mom I had passed my final CPA exam she said, "it reminds me of Romans 8:28. Most people look to this verse in hard times, but God has fulfilled this verse in your life through blessed times." // This made me think. I've been looking at this verse wrong all along. Or maybe not wrong, but partially wrong.
God doesn't say He needs to work bad in your life in order to work out the good. He says He works out ALL things for good. Which means, in the good times and the bad times HE gets the glory - all the time. And "good" to us may not mean the same thing as "good" to God. Because He knows our ultimate good.
So a great reminder for me today and everyday is to remember that God is actively working right now for those who are called according to His purpose. In the midst of global chaos, struggling countries, and warfare, God is working out things for good. We may not understand, but we serve a God who is beyond our understanding and is working out His plan for this world.
When I told my mom I had passed my final CPA exam she said, "it reminds me of Romans 8:28. Most people look to this verse in hard times, but God has fulfilled this verse in your life through blessed times." // This made me think. I've been looking at this verse wrong all along. Or maybe not wrong, but partially wrong.
God doesn't say He needs to work bad in your life in order to work out the good. He says He works out ALL things for good. Which means, in the good times and the bad times HE gets the glory - all the time. And "good" to us may not mean the same thing as "good" to God. Because He knows our ultimate good.
So a great reminder for me today and everyday is to remember that God is actively working right now for those who are called according to His purpose. In the midst of global chaos, struggling countries, and warfare, God is working out things for good. We may not understand, but we serve a God who is beyond our understanding and is working out His plan for this world.
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