Caden,
You're 12 weeks old. 12 weeks of life. 12 weeks of being your mom. Wow. I've learned so much over the past almost 3 months. More than I ever thought I'd learn in so little time. You have been and will always be one of God's greatest gifts to me {you and your father of course}. And you're a constant reminder of His grace and His sovereignty in my life. I will always be grateful for that.
When you first entered this world it felt like I was living in a dream. Everything was new and exciting and I didn't care about a total of 4 hours of sleep at night because I was just so excited to be your mom. After the first few days, baby blues hit and I was becoming very emotional. Every day when the sun set I would get anxious and lonely and sad. Your dad was my rock and took care of me really well. But it was so strange to go from the highest of emotions to the lowest of emotions all in one week.
After the first 2 weeks, the baby blues started to fade away and the sleep deprivation kicked in. I never really understood sleep deprivation until I became a mom :) I thought 6 hours of sleep wasn't enough pre-motherhood, but I quickly realized 6 hours was HEAVEN post-motherhood. During weeks 2-4 you were going through a big growth spurt so you were really fussy all day. I remember crying out to the Lord for you. Wanting him to comfort and calm you and wanting him to give us both rest. It was such a challenging first month. But every time I held you or laid eyes on you I knew it was all worth it.
Then you turned 1 month and we got to see more and more of your personality with each passing day. You smiled for the first time at 6 weeks and you started to make eye contact with us. You weren't as fussy and you were more awake and alert. The Lord began to show me what a mother's and a father's love really looked like. When I looked at you I had joy like none other. I felt proud that Matt and I made you. I felt excited to see you reach your potential. I wanted to know you deeper and deeper. I didn't want to miss a second of time with you. I've never experienced anything like motherhood!
Then you turned 2 months and we started sleep training. This is where I learned the Father's diligence with His children. It's so amazing to me that He knows every detail of our lives. He knows every hair on our heads. He is patient with us and knows our every need. Caden, you didn't like being put down for naps, but we knew you needed to sleep. And so also the Father deals with us in this way - giving us what we need even when we don't understand or like it. I also understand better how patient God is with us. We cry and scream at things life throws at us, but He lovingly and gently walks us through every one of life's moments. You cry and scream, and your dad and I have to be patient and loving so you can learn to soothe yourself and learn to sleep.
I've learned so much from you, and I know there's so much more to learn. As much as I thought marriage was sanctifying, parenthood is 10x sanctifying. But it's in life's hardest challenges that we grow the most in our walks with the Lord. And as challenging and self-sacrificing it is to be your mom, I do it with great joy because I love you so so much. I can't imagine how much God loves you when I love you this much.
So "happy 12 weeks" sweet boy :) Love you to the moon and back. I pray for you every day and I can't wait to see the man you become.
Love,
Mom <3
